This is my new pic for this month. It's Sonic in Lava Reef Zone. Enjoy.　Everything below isn't related to the image, so feel free to ignore.

Two years ago, I posted an epically brilliant analysis of everything that's wrong about the Sonic franchise and detailed instructions on how to fix it.
It was a glorious day for Sonic fans. The cries of angry fanboys resonnated to the four corners of the internet. Butts were hurt, and angry journals were written as a result. To this day, my brilliant analysis is still being referenced by fans all over the web. Whether they're the intelligent ones who had already figured it out before my explanations, people whose eyes I have opened, or angry fanboys who cling to their delusions, the community is still talking about it. Sadly, the majority of the fanbase belongs to the last category, and during the last 2 years, I have had many encounters with every type of fantard you can imagine.

The saddest thing about this whole thing, is that every one of these guys seems to acknowldge that there's "something wrong" with the series, yes, but when you ask them what that is, as soon as they type their first sentence you can tell that they don't have a clue about it. Some of them even want to work for Sega (!!) despite their horrible fanboyish attitude, lack of creativity, and artistic skills on the same level as a tetraplegic 5 years old (yes Ryan dear, that means you).



Speed?

When it comes to the gameplay, I've seen every type of pathetic idea there is:

The series needs to focus on speed!
The legacy stages from BK/the Unleashed day levels are what the whole game should be like!
They should make the levels more like racetracks!!
Rush is just like the Genesis games so why don't you like it!
Put more drifting/ grind/ hold forward etc.


And so on.
Now, I've beaten that horse before, but it's not quite dead yet. Sonic is not about Speed. This, to my great pleasure, is becoming more and more accepted among the community (whether this is due in part to my influence or not at all, I don't know, and it's irrelevant). The series was born and evolved as a platform game with intricate, organic level design, vertical platforming, exploration, and realistic weight and momentum physics.

But, sorry to burst your bubble, it wasn't that fast.

If you felt that it was, it is due to the realistic way in which Sonic accelerates. This is what made Sonic's top speed a lot more satisfying than, for example, Mario's in Super Mario World, despite there being very little difference between the two (and it might be worth mentioning also, that Tails and Knuckles ran exactly as fast as Sonic. Aww, you mean the cartoons got it wrong? That's right. And they can also spin dash, too).

The recent games put the focus on speed, and as a result, are more like an interactive cutscene than a real game. The good games, on the other hand, actively involved you in the gameplay, and this is where the challenge came from. The challenging parts of the good games actually make you play the game, rather than memorize and repeat a button sequence.
There is absolutely no need for the ridiculously absurd speed found in the modern Sonic games. It's not fun. It's not interesting. All it does is create shallow level design, racetrack-type stages (drifting?? oh PLEASE now, really.), and automated "hold a button" gameplay. And so far, in every game that has supposedly "taken a step in the right direction"(Rush, Unleashed, etc), this has been the major problem.
Making Sonic slower is the only way to fix this. It's the only way to be consistent with the original formula. And it will rid Sega of their pathetic excuse: "We can't make the game all about Sonic because it would be over in 30 minutes".



But can't you accept change? You're living in the past.

No. First of all, "accepting change" is not a virtue, and doesn't automatically make you open minded. There are instances where change is bad. This should be obvious, but the fanboy seems to ignore this fact completely, at least when it comes to Sonic.
You could play Zelda CDi all day and pretend it makes you open minded because "it's different!!!", but in the end you'd still be nothing but a dude playing a shitty game. Because that's really what fanboys mean: when they say, "you can't accept change", what they're really saying is, "let me play shitty games and stop trying to break my delusions".

If there's no consistency and coherence to a series, then there's no point in even calling it a "series". The whole "you're living in the past" thing is quite frankly ridiculous to the highest degree, and another easy example of fantards missing the point. By the way, the "you're a 2D fanboy" is equally nonsensical. Please show me a post where I claimed new-school Sonic wasn't good because he was 3D? Nah, don't waste your time, because I said no such thing. Again, fantards making stuff up because they can not argue against what I am REALLY saying.

Back to the point: nobody in their right mind ever claimed that Sonic would be good JUST by making it 2D. The Rush and Advance games are proof enough that this is false.
The accusation would only really make sense if I was arguing that Sega should make a game on the Genesis, or with Genesis graphics. Which, yes, would look pretty cool at least, but with the current team of developpers, it would probably end up sucking due to shallow level design.

But no. When people say Sega should make a new game that's more "like the Genesis games", it doesn't mean with Genesis graphics. It doesn't mean on the Genesis. It doesn't even mean in 2D. What it refers to are the universal and timeless properties of the original Sonic formula described higher (platforming, vertical exploration, realistic weight, etc). Does that sound "nostalgic" or even "retro" in any way to anyone?
We want NEW material to be produced, using new technology, that is consistent with, and builds upon the original formula (in other words, it had to feel like a new entry in the same series). So you see, "you're living in the past" doesn't apply. It's ridiculous. Prefering the old games is not called "nostalgia" or "elitism", in this context it's called having good taste. People who prefer the new games, or like both equally, have no standards and will simply buy any material that has Sonic's face stamped on it.
That is what the word FANBOY means!
And before you even try: I'm not a fanboy of the "old Sonic". The game gear games mostly suck, Sonic R is mediocre, and Sonic the Fighter is terrible. And I won't even go into Labyrinth and Drift.




You're nitpicking about fluff like character design and music!

I'm not nitpicking, I'm being thorough. Yes, this is mere cosmetics. But it's important nonetheless, as it affects the whole feel of the game.

The consistency for the gameplay, discussed above, also applies to the visual style. Yes, every series' characters have changed in style over the years. But they still look like the same character. Samus is still Samus. Mario is still Mario. Link? He's actually a different character almost every time. That's why he's different.

So when I play a Sonic game, I want to play as Sonic. Not some 6 feet tall cross-eyed furry that looks like a cross between Bugs Bunny and a Ninja Turtle, and has a mouth that magically travels all over his face depending on the camera angle.

Sonic CD had a different style. Spinball had a different style.
But they still looked like Sonic.
You can like the new design. I'll call it bad taste, but I can't change how you feel. But don't pretend like it's Sonic. It's not.

But it fits better with the realistic environments!!
Yeah, because making a Sonic game in a realistic setting was such a good idea to begin with.... NOT.

And it's the same for the other characters. Every one of them is a cheap imitation of their older self. And the newer ones? No, Shadow is not "cool" because "he has powers lols" or because he's dark. He's an uninspired recolor of Super Sonic with hair on his chest. It's like they just accepted a submission from your typical 10 years old fanboy and made it a character in their game!


And the music?

Sonic Adventure 1 had some amazing music (the BGMs, not the ones with vocals). It was consistent with the established Sonic style, but most importantly, most were brand new. So spare me the "nostalgic elitist" accusations already. I'm not. I'm being consistent and coherent.

Other games had decent music, also, but nowhere as good or consistent with Sonic as SA1. And then you have the attrociously bad other extreme, Rush, and Secret Rings. Whether you liked them or not, they weren't Sonic music.　This is not a purist or nostalgic statement. Again, consistency. I want new material to be produced. I just want it to belong in a Sonic game. I just don't want to have to mute the sound due to the sheer badness of the soundtrack.




Well most of that is just your opinion!

This is a statement made by people who have nothing knowledgeable to say and are unable to defend their position. Ultimately, if you say that, you are trying to delude yourself into believing that you've said something productive or intelligent, but you really haven't.
It doesn't settle anything. It doesn't equalize the 2 sides. And that's because all opinions are not equal. Some are more grounded in reality, and supported by truth and facts. Some are right, and some are wrong. Some are stupid, and some are uneducated.
Yes. Some opinions are better than others.

In the end, the only people Sega should listen to are those who only like the Genesis games. It may appear arrogant to say that, but it's ok to be arrogant when you're right.
Not because they were made "in the past"! But because those are the only Sonic games that are consistent and good.
Not all ideas are good. If you have a clash between good ideas and bad ideas, you don't find a middle ground between both. You go with what's good and intelligent, and fuck everything else! What if some Mario fans wanted the series to become like Hotel Mario on the CDi? Yeah.

Screw this whole "all opinions are worth listening to" mentality. People who accept the current direction are not supporting progress or evolution, they are supporting regression and inconsistency, and thus, their opinions are insignificant. It's the same for people who like both, because they would just like anything anyways, and should also be ignored by game developpers.

If you're a Sonic fan, and want Sonic to go back to his days of glory, the correct thing to do isn't to accept his current image and gameplay concept. Complaining is the only way anything is going to change. But it'll only work if there's a massive amount of it. It goes further than just "don't buy the games", because for every boycotter, there are 5 fanboys who'll buy a copy.
Complain, complain, complain relentlessly. Because unless there is a major change in attitude in the fanbase, this series won't be getting anywhere, and will remain the laughingstock of the gaming world for decades to come.

RIP Sonic
1991-1994

"Rebuttles" containing nothing more than arguments already refuted in this essay will be reported as spam.